GOP, Republican-Fail, Things That Make You Go Hmmm — October 8, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Latest RNC push-poll: “Do you hate America?”

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I got the latest RNC push-poll yesterday via my friends at the Washington Times. Although they don’t come right out and ask if you hate America, they might as well. The questions are classic push-poll fodder and give us yet another glimpse at how the Republicans shape the national dialog and spread fear, misconceptions and out-right lies.

My favorite one is “Should education reform focus on empowering parents instead of federal bureaucrats?”

Gee, guys, I just don’t know…

Here’s full questionnaire (with some fun, snarky commentary, of course.)

Republican National Committee
SURVEY ON AMERICA’S FUTURE

Instructions:

1. Please select the answer below that most accurately reflects your view on each question. If you are unsure about a question, skip it and go to the next one.

Like if you can’t decide if your kids’ education should be in YOUR control or in the control of government bureaucrats, stuff like that…

2. Upon completion of your Survey, hit SUBMIT and your Survey will be tabulated.

3. Before logging out please take a moment to make a generous online gift to help our Party move forward and support conservative candidates for the House and Senate who will go toe-to-toe with the Obama left-wing money machine and win on Election Day.

Ah, yes, the dreaded left-wing money machine. Republicans know NOTHING about that. And while you’re at it, PLEASE SEND US MONEY!!! So we can go toe-to-toe, mano-a-mano with those eveeeeeel baby-killers who want your entire paycheck to help them kill grandma.

4. Everyone’s Survey answers will be tabulated. Those who donate may see Survey results in real time following their contribution.

Your answers represent the views of thousands of other Republicans living in your area. And your active membership in the new RNC will help us fight the Obama Democrats now and recruit and train new Republican candidates nationwide in 2010.

Section I – Taxes and the Economy

1. Do you oppose any increases in federal income taxes?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

…or would you prefer to jack up enormous debts to give the wealthiest Americans a tax break and pay for wars in foreign countries that should never have been started in the first place?

2. Are you against the Obama energy tax that would cost the average family over $1,700 annually?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Bonus question: would you prefer that the earth be roasted, broasted, deep-fried or drowned?

3. Should the federal government allow all banks that received bailouts last year to repay that money so we can put those funds toward debt reduction?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Or, alternatively, would you rather see that money pay for a invasion into Iran?

4. With the Obama-Pelosi-Reid budgets projecting trillion dollar deficits for the next several years, would you support a discretionary spending freeze?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Freeze? Is this some kind of global warming bullshit? Fuck you!

5. Are you against federal seizure of private companies, such as President Obama’s takeover of General Motors?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

No, no, no! I think the Health Insurance Companies should do all the seizing. Hell, they already own the Legislative Branch of the Federal Government as it is…

6. Do you oppose the Big Labor-backed “card check” bill that strips workers of their right to a secret ballot during unionization drives?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Any time you can strip the workers, I’m for it. Especially if I get their paycheck while they are stripping. “Here, honey, have a dollar bill…”

7. Should Republican candidates in 2010 pledge to repeal all “stimulus” spending that hasn’t been wasted already?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

No thank you, I prefer a deep depression that drags the entire global economy down and sets civilization as we know it back decades. And cut taxes, too, while you’re at it. Yeah, that’s it. Cut taxes…

Section II – National Security

1. Do you believe America must make a more serious commitment to securing our border with Mexico?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Yes. Please hire Haliburton and Wackenhut for that. Mainly because I just LOVE the idea that someone thought “Wackenhut” was a good name for a company full of steroid-infused manly men.

2. Should we unite in forceful opposition to Democrats’ military spending cuts?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Yes. Well, if you can find some, that is. Because [whispers]he hasn’t actually cut military spending[/whispers]

3. Do you support laws like the USA Patriot Act that make it easier for intelligence agencies to share information and identify, arrest and prosecute suspected terrorists?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

No, I prefer stationing CIA and FBI agents in the living room of every American “just to be safe”.

4. Do you oppose relocating suspected terrorists from Guantanamo Bay prison to America?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Yes. We need to torture them some more and I don’t want to have to listen to their pitiful screams. That’s just nasty and makes it hard to hear Tom Delay on Dancing With The Stars.

5. With regimes in North Korea and Iran pursuing nuclear weapons, should we develop a space-based ballistic missile defense system?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Heck yeah! Doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work. Dude, it’s called STAR WARS! How cool is THAT???!

Section III – Domestic Issues

1. Do you consider yourself pro-life?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Yes, unless the person is sick and doesn’t have health insurance. Then I’m pro-get-a-fucking-job-you-lazy-fuck.

2. Do you believe federal law should recognize marriage as a sacred union between one man and one woman?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

No, I prefer that marriage be between one man, one woman, and the man’s mistress who he visits when Congress is in session, preferably spending tax-payer money to wine and dine her.

3. Are you in favor of protecting the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

I favor ANYTHING that ensures I can bring a gun to an appearance by the president. It’s in the Constitution under “Right to be threatening to the President as long as my skin isn’t brown.”

4. Do you oppose a new government-rationed health care system?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

Actually, the way govenment is going about handling health care reform right now, I have to say I AM against it. Just sayin’…

5. Should education reform focus on empowering parents instead of federal bureaucrats?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Undecided

WHAT???! And take away the President’s right to indoctrinate my kids? Are fucking nuts???!

Section IV – BONUS QUESTION

1. In your opinion, what is the single greatest threat to America’s future?

( ) Al-Qaeda and radical Islamic terrorism
( ) Government-run health care
( ) Government debt
( ) Interference in free enterprise system
( ) Rogue states like Iran and North Korea
( ) National Energy Tax
( ) Unsecure borders
( ) Decline in moral values
( ) Other: All of the above, equally
( ) The Republican National Party and their fear-mongering, lie-infested, disingenuous, agenda of hate and intolerance

Okay, I admit it, I added that last one.

Here’s the link to the survey. You’ll be asked to give your name, email address, physical address, etc. before you can take it.

Republican National Committee’s Survey on America’s Future

Have fun.

I’m just sayin’…

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Avatar photo Author: Chris Savage is the owner and publisher of Eclectablog and the co-host of The GOTMFV Show podcast.
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