Bwahahahahaha, Politics, President Obama — May 4, 2009 at 8:13 pm

Obama to Appoint LAWLESS Judge to SCOTUS


With the retirement of Justice Souter, President Obama, a man with nothing better to do these days (wink, wink) now has to tread a very narrow path to pick a new justice. Progressives will surely pressure him to appoint someone who follows in Souter’s liberal-leaning footsteps, perhaps a woman. Conservatives will, of course, are already condemning him for the choice he has yet to make.

The conservative “Judicial Confirmation Network” is on record with this observation:

“…he will be the first American President who has made lawlessness an explicit standard for Supreme Court Justices.”

My recommendation? Appoint Judge LAWLESS!!!

Lawless? Yes, that’s what Wendy Long of the Judicial Confirmation Network (JCN) claimed on their website on May 1st. The full quote is here:

If Obama holds to his campaign promise to appoint a Justice who rules based on her own “deepest values” and what’s in her own “heart”—instead of what is in the Constitution and laws—he will be the first American President who has made lawlessness an explicit standard for Supreme Court Justices.

But it’s not just Ms. Long, Chief Counsel for JCN, who is certain about the lawlessness of President Obama’s forthcoming selection. The Powerline Blog had an entry the same day with the screechy title A lawless president looks for a lawless Supreme Court Justice

By indicating that his concern is not just with just decisions but also just outcomes, Obama reveals the lawless quality of his thinking. The legitimate function of a judge is to reach just decisions, full stop. Once judges, or the president who appoints them, start thinking about just outcomes, we are well down the path to judicial tyranny. And once just outcomes are defined as those that display empathy for “the people,” we could be starting down the road to banana republic status.

So, it would appear that before he has even mentioned a single name, our president’s choice has already been attacked and labeled lawless. What’s a president to do?

My suggestion? Appoint a judge who actually is lawless. Janelle Lawless, that is. Lawless is the presiding judge of the Michigan Ingham County 30th Circuit Court. Of course, we Michiganders would be sad to lose her, but we’re willing to make that sacrifice. After all, she meets some of the main criteria already established by pundits all across the country:

1. She’s a woman.
2. She’s lawless.

Badda boom, badda bing! Everyone is satisfied.

Damn, I’m brilliant.

Other potential choices are, of course:

  • Lucy Lawless (Xena: Warrior Princess, etc.)
  • Sheila Lawless (Separation Anxiety)
  • Sebrina Lawless (The Nail Gun Massacre)
  • Monica Lawless (The Nail Gun Massacre)
  • Louisa Lawless (Prison-A-Go-Go!)
  • Rick Lawless (Slappy and the Stinkers)
  • Aoife Lawless (The Commitments)
  • Kevin Lawless (Vampire Holocaust)
  • Brenda Lawless (The Girl in the Crowd)

I’m just sayin’…