This morning at the Michigan DNC delegation breakfast, former Governor (and my personal friend and hero) Jennifer Granholm read a poem she wrote about Donald Trump. She had the entire room in stitches so I asked her if I could share it with our readers and she kindly agreed.
Michigan Convention Ode — a little fun at the Michigan breakfast, with apologies to Dr. Seuss
Delegates from the South, or us northern yanks–
We may seem different as sushi and franks.
But upon closer look, for what it’s worth,
We’re all really just separated at birth.
More than geography that connects us,
Our love of country also intersects us.
We like purple mountains and green forests too
But our favorite colors are red white and blue.
You may be left, middle or conservative bellweather:
America’s stronger when we’re standing together.
Now, there’s nothing more that a good Democrat hates
Than Repubs in control in 31 states
So Republicanism has taken its toll —
Here’s what Michigan got with GOP control:
They underfund infrastructure despite people’s gripes,
No new roads or bridges or underground pipes;
They’re lead poisoning children in the City of Flint;
They’re slashing the reach of labor’s footprint;
They won’t pay to retrain our jobless folks;
They say global warming is all a hoax;
They’ve passed laws making it harder to vote,
While trickle down theory gets jammed down our throat.
They’ve made massive cuts to the business tax,
While funding for schools goes under the axe.
Legislating bathrooms and voter ID:
That’s what you get with this GOP.
Congressional panels up to no good,
Obsessed over emails and planned parenthood;
And if any of that sounds familiar to you
Time to turn all of Michigan blue!
Poor Republicans are just now coming to grips
With the reality of the Trumpocalypse.
I’m intrigued by Trump’s psychology
Seems his whole rationale for running is : He!
Why does his bluster seem so sure?
Is it because he’s so insecure?
His language so forceful, his words so bold–
He seems super strong … for a seven year old.
Now, we could care less that he’s twice divorced,
But we do care ’bout the jobs he’s outsourced.
He boasts, he’ll “bring back the jobs that were let go!”
But he manufactures in China and Mexico!
A scammer, a chiseler – some have called Trump a thief
Do we want as our president a swindler-in-chief?
His books say they’ll show you to profit heaven,
So why do they all end at Chapter 11?
So Trump declared bankruptcy not 3 times but four–
Do we want him near launch codes for nuclear war?
He insults our allies and when he’s done,
He’s BFFs with Putin and Kim Jung Un.
With such paper thin skin he’s wholly unstable:
Imagine him in charge of the Situation Room Table!
One reason we can’t let up our attacks is
Trump refuses to release his own taxes.
This lack of transparency? Like never before!
Is he stashing his loot in some haven offshore?
Is it because he’s not a 10-billionaire?
Or because Donald’s rate is grossly unfair?
Even ol’ Mitt Romney is in an uproar —
Maybe Trump’s cars also get their own elevator?
Then there’s his anti-immigrant rants and racism —
And he just reeks with his own narcissism.
Building yuuuge walls are part of his plans;
Must all be related to the size of his …. hands.
And his issues with women and what it reveals!
Seems he only likes us in tiaras and heels.
Punish the women who exercise choice,
Criticizing the sound of Hillary’s voice,
Bleating out bile like a bloviating blowhard:
I think it’s time to play that woman card.
Cuz over in DC, it’s gridlock times ten–
But all that can be fixed with some more estrogen.
The boys had their fun, let’s turn a new leaf.
It’s time for woman as commander in chief.
So we need you to fight in your state
Against the science-denying right wingers of hate.
We’ll let them all steep in their party of tea
As we register voters in every county!
While Donald Trump thinks he will con you all too:
I ask you Democrats: will we turn this country blue?
So batten down the hatches, amass the artillery,
I know Michigan is ready for Hillary!
And for the future of the nation, it’s totally evident –
No finer words to us than Madam President!