Or “50 Teleprompter Jokes to Amuse Your Boss”
A few days ago the Romney campaign created a parody Twitter to mock Bill Clinton’s supposed gaffes. And, of course, it was sad.
This made me think: Why are there no viral right-wing parody or satire accounts on Twitter? Of course there is @MichelleMalkin. But she’s actually Michelle Malkin.
When Mashable put together its list of top 10 Hysterical Political Parodies on Twitter, the only parody of a Democrat on the list was of irascible Rahm Emmanuel—and I’m sure that was created by a liberal. The rest of the objects of ridicule on that list—which featured the dearly departed @GingrichIdeas—were all Republicans, monarchs or dictators.
Parody is tough. But how about just funny conservatives on Twitter? Why is there no right wing @BorowitzReport, @PourMeCoffee, @AnaMarieCox, @JohnFugelsang or @LizzWinstead? The closest you get is @DaveWeigel and he’s a libertarian.
If @RobDelaney mentions @MittRomney it’s almost always one of the top RTed @MittRomney mentions of the day.
Hell, @LOLGOP is only 29,435 followers behind the actual @GOP.
Why are conservatives hilarious until the exact moment they attempt to be funny?
There’s Mitt Romney telling a hilarious story about workers being laid off. There’s George W. Bush looking for weapons of mass destruction. There’s Donald Trump doing his impression of a racist Andy Kaufman.
There are two inviolable rules of comedy, as taught to me by the adults I grew up with:
- Using any object that is NOT underarm deodorant as underarm deodorant is always funny.
- It’s easier to make fun of the boss than the servants.
Republicans are the boss. They’re your father’s Duesenberg. They’re the Duke brothers making one-dollar bets that toy with your fate.
Every day Republicans get on high horses to tell gay people they can’t get married—even though most of them are divorced themselves. They say women shouldn’t make private decisions about when to have a family—though nearly all of them use birth control and would most likely get their daughter an abortion if deemed necessary.
Republicans honestly believe that the solution to every problem is to give rich people more disposable income and Wall Street more freedom—even after that cost us millions and millions of jobs. And this is when they’re not trying to be funny.
Whenever you decide you should be in charge of other people’s lives, you’re ripe for ridicule. When you’re making fun of people on food stamps—people who are more likely to be on food stamps because of your policies—you may be aiming for funny but hitting dicky.
Good jokes bring people together. Bad jokes get a few people laughing at a few people in a way that’s designed to humiliate.
And the top conservatives on Twitter constantly put on a show of their mean-spirited not-funniness over and over by hijacking hashtags and making jokes about eating dog. Hilarious to the perpetrators, no doubt. But so is holding down a kid and cutting his hair.
So how do you do a funny Bill Clinton parody account on Twitter? Don’t even try.
It’s done: @PimpBillClinton.
I’ve lost 8 pounds in the last 2 weeks. This vagitarian diet is working like a charm.— Bill Clinton (@PimpBillClinton) June 6, 2012
The Pimp is a fun, good-natured take on the public perception of Bubba’s private life. It’s got nuance and ridiculousness. It simultaneously makes fun of you and Bill Clinton and Bill Clinton’s critics with lusty ease over and over again.
Now, I’m not trying to teach the GOP how to be funny on purpose.
If you give a Republican a fish, he’ll think he learned how to fish. If you teach a Republican to fish, he’ll call you a “socialist.” I’m just pointing that Republicans generally suck at being funny on Twitter. (If you don’t believe me, follow @iowahawkblog now—his batting average on a good day is in the .100s) And all the anonymous corporate money in the world won’t change that.
(Yes, I called you out and I will certainly earn a few “You SUCX!” in return. I can take it. But if I’m wrong, prove it. Give me examples of actual conservative humor that aren’t Dennis Miller pre-9/11. 98% of climate scientists say it just doesn’t exist.)