Conservatives, Things That Make You Go Hmmm — April 1, 2012 at 7:14 am

BREAKING: Keith Olbermann to join Fox News


New show will focus on one topic exclusively

In a move certain to send shockwaves throughout cable news, liberal commentator and former ESPN, MSNBC and Current TV host Keith Olbermann has announced that he is joining Fox News to host a new nightly show at 5 PM. The program, tentatively titled “Gored”, will be entirely focused on criticizing former Vice-President and current Current TV head Al Gore.

Olbermann was terminated by Current on Friday over creative differences in the direction of the channel’s news department.

“We’ve always admired Mr. Olbermann’s bombast,” said Fox News’ Vice-President Samuel Salmon. “And when we found out that he was interested in doing a show that would consistently and exclusively attack Al Gore, we decided that we had to get him on the air ASAP.”

The show will replace The Five and begin airing April 1, 2012.

Bill O’Reilly, who has been labeled “The Worst Person in the World” by Mr. Olbermann over a hundred times, reacted tentatively to the news. “As long as Olbermann sticks to Gore, everything should just be just fine. Did you know that Gore uses airplanes and doesn’t even have a wind farm in his backyard?”

Fox News takes a special interest in attacking the former Vice President. He’s often blamed for any aberration in the weather and mocked for caring about climate change or inventing the Internet—though Gore never said he did invent the Internet and did, in fact, help expedite the process that created the Internet.

Salmon did admit that Olbermann will be subject to a 5-minute delay in case he accidentally says anything that is not Gore related.

“At Fox,” Salmon said. “We’ve found that common enemies unite people more effectively than values. Olbermann hates Gore so what could possibly go wrong?”

[CC image by Freedom to Marry]